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IAKE-UP"  BOOK  -HOW  TO  "  MARK-IT  "      A  practical  guide  for 
•;,  with  Twenty -three  colored  Illustrations.     Trice  50  cents. 


NO.  CCVJJI. 

RENCH'S     MINOR     DRAMA, 

£fct    Acting    (fcbiiion. 


WAITED  ONE  THOUSAND 


SPIRITED  YOUNG  MILLINERS 


For  tlie  Gold 


A  FAKCE,  IN  ONE  ACT. 


BY    J.    STIRLING /COYNE. 


TO    WHICH     ARE 


description  of  the  Costume— Cast  of  the  Characters— Entrances  and   KziU 
Positions  of  the  Performers  on  the  Stage,   and 
th«  whole  of  the  Stage  Businea*. 


AS  NOW   PERFORMED  AT  THE  PRINCIPAL  ENGLISH 
AND  AMERICAN  THEATRES. 


NKV,    \ 


SAMUEL  FRENCH  &  SON, 

PUBLISHERS, 

38  East  14th  St.,  Union  Square. 


LONl'oN  . 


.   Samuel  Frt-: 


I'CBL 


&& 


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INTERNATIONAL 
DESCRIPTIVE  CATALOGUE 

OF 

PLAYS, 

AMD 

DRAMATIC   WORKS, 

With    a    Descriptive    List    of   Amateur    Plays    and    Articles. 


CONTENTS. 


Pase. 

Amateur  Dramas,  Comedies,  etc 32 

Amateur  Operas 42 

Articles  Needed  by  Amateurs 45 

Beards,  Whiskers,  Mustaches,  etc.. .  47 

Bits  of  Burlesque 38 

Bound  Sets  of  Plays. 14 

Bulwer  Lytton's  Plays 24 

Burlesque  Dramas 4.2 


Burnt  Cork. 

Charade  Plays 

Colored  Fire  aud  Tableaux  Lights.. . 
Comic  Dramas  for  Male  Char,  only. 

Costume  Books 

Cumberland's  Edition 

Darkey  Dramas. 


45 

:J.s 

45 
43 
25 
Id 
39 

Dramas  for  Boys..... ..'. ...      42 

Drawing  Room  Plays 25 

Elocution  Reciters  and  Speakers. ..      44 

Ethiopian  Dramas -:...    39 

Evening's  Eutertamment 40 

F  iiry  Plays 40 

French's  Edition 2 

French's  English  Operas 42 

French's  Italian  Operas H7 

French's  Standard  Minor  Drama J4 

French's  Parlor  Come-'ies 41 

Frnbisher's  Popular  Recitals 45 

Guide  Books  for  Amateurs 41 

Grand  Army  Dramas 36 

<; reuse  Paints 48 

Home  Plays  for  Ladies 41 


Page 

How  to  "  Make-up  " 48 

Hww  We  Managed  our  Private  Thea 
tricals 36 

Irish  Plays 3<> 

Juvenile  Plays 40 

Lacy's  Costumes 

Magnesium  Tableaux  Lights 

Make-up  B<  'X 

Miscellaneous  Books 

Miscellaneous  Editions  of  Plays.. 

Miscellaneous  Pla>  s 

Mrs.  Jarley's  Wax  Works 

New  Plays 

Nigger  Jokes  and  Stump  Speeches. 

Par  1  or  Magic 

Parlor  Pantomimes 

Pieces  of  P.  eass  ntry 

Plays  for  Male  Characters  only. ... 

Round  Games  

Scenes  for  Amateurs 

Scriptural  and  Historical  Dramas. 

Sensation  Drama- 38 

Seno-Comic  Dmma« 4Z 

Shadow  Pantomimes 4'5 

Shakespeare's  P.ays :7 

Sheet  Music 4U 

Tableaux  Vivants 37 

Temperance  plays 25 

Theatrical  F  ice  Preparations 46 

Vocal  Music  of  Shakespeare's  Plays .     4 1 
Wigs 47 


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NEW  YORK  : 

SAMUEL   FRENCH   &    SON. 
PUBLISHERS, 

38  E.  14th  St.,  Union  Square. 


LONDON  : 
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PUBLISHER, 
89,    STRAND. 


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- 


WANTED, 

ONE  THOUSAND 

SPIRITED   YOUNG    MILLINERS, 

F0>  THE  GOLD  DIGGINGS. 

J.  STIRLING  gOYNE. 

AUTHOR  OF    "HOW     ft,'    SITTI.E    ACCOUNTS    WITH    TOUR    LAUXDHESS,"   "  F&lO  An 

ITS  VICTIM/.1    "QLEUr.  SUBJKCT,"  "THE  I.OVB  KNOT,"  "TlIK    UXPUO- 

TKtl  .  D   FEMALE,"  "MAX  OF  MANY  FHIIC.XUS,"  "FAS 

UK  FASC1NATIO.V,"  tTC.  LTC. 


With  Orig.fal  Cast,  Costumes,  and  all  the  Stage  Susineti. 


NEW- YORK . 
SAMUEL    FRENCH, 

191  NASSAU-STREET. 


WANTED,  ONE  THOUSAND  YOUNG  MILLINERS. 


SCENE  —  A  solicitor's  office,  furnished  in  the  usual  manner.  —  A  laryt 
table,  with  papers  and  writing  materials  on  it,  c.  —  Windows  K,  and 
L.,  in  fiat,  with  blinds  to  each.  —  Door  to  SINGLETON'S  private  room 
R.  3  E.  —  Fire-place,  over  which  is  a  chimney-alass,  it.  2  E.  — Door  of 
closet  L.  3  E.  —  Door  of  entrance  L.  2  E.  —  Nine  office-cliairs  and  one 
easy -chair  placed  by  fire-place,  R.  — Lawyer's  tin  boxes  on  thefioorand 
on  shelves. 

JOE  BAGGS  discovered  writing,  L.  of  table. 

Baggs.  (writing  and  reading}.  "All  that  and  those  tenements  and  he 
reditaments,  situate,  lying  and  being  in  the  parish  of  Tetteringham,  situate 
in  the  county  of  Norfolk,  as  lately  in  the  possession  of  John  Dobbin,  farmer, 
and  bounded  on  the  north  by  Coppershaw  Close  "  —  no  —  "  on  the  south  " 

—  no  —  "on  the  east1'  —     (Rising)  Hang  it !  I  can  think  of  noth 
ing  but  the  plan  I  have  in  hand.     I  wonder  if  Tom  Tipton  has  got  my 
note.     I  must  have  Tom's  assistance  to  carry  out  my  project.     He 's 
a  devilish  clever  fellow,  is  Tom,  though  he  has  been  lor  six  years  try 
ing  unsuccessfully  to  pass  the  College  of  Surgeons.     When  I  think  of 
the  larks  we  have  played  together  !     Ha,  ha,  ha !     (Laughs  with  sup 
pressed  glee. ) 

Tipton  (putting  his  head  in  at  D.  L.  2  E.)  Hallo,  Joe  !  What's 
up?  (Enters.)  You're  as  jolly  as  if  somebody  had  lent  you  a  five- 
pun  note,  to  be  paid  three  months  after  convenience. 

Bag.  Oh,  Tom !  I  'm  glad  you  're  come.  But  don't  speak  too 
loud  ;  for  the  governor  is  in  his  private  room  there.  Such  a  lark, 
Tom  !  I  've  done  him,  —  done  him  brown,  at  last. 

Tip.   What !  old  Singleton,  —  the  cunningest  fox  in  the  Law  List ; 

—  done  him  ?   I  '11  shake  hands  "with  you,  Joe.    ( They  shake  hands. ) 
You  're  not  such  a  fool  as  you  look.     Let  me  hear  all  about  it. 

Bag.  I  've  had,  for  some  time,  a  splendid  project  in  my  mind  ;  but 
I  could  not  put  it  in  execution  without  getting  the  governor  out  of  the 
way  for  a  whole  day.  Well,  what  do  you  think  I  do? 

Tip.   Something  stupid,  of  course. 

Bag.  Ah  !  you  shall  judge.  The  governor  happens  to  have  a  rich 
old  client  down  at  Oxford  ;  —  Tottles,  he  's  called.  Well,  I  get  a  let 
ter  written,  and  posted  at  Oxford,  as  from  Mrs.  Tottles,  to  the  gov 
ernor,  telling  him  that  her  husband  had  been  taken  suddenly  very  ill 
indeed,  and  wanted  to  make  his  will,  and  go  out  of  the  world  com- 

M50102 


4  WANTED,  OXE   THOUSAND    YOUNG    MILLINERS, 

forcibly  ;  -which; He  could  not  <Jb  unless  his  friend  Singleton  came 
down. 

Tip.  Ah!    Well? 

Bay-.  The  letter  arrived  this  morning,  by  the  early  post,  and, 
ft-trange  as  it  may  seem,  the  governor  fell  into  the  trap  ;  and  the  in 
fatuated  individual  is  now  packing  his  carpet-bag,  preparing  to  start 
for  Oxford. 

Tip.  Bravo,  Joe  !  By  Jove  !  I  could  n't  have  managed  it  bettoi 
myself.  But  what  are  you  going  to  do  when  you  've  got  the  premi 
ses  to  yourself?  Something  must  be  done.  Let  me  see  ;  I  know  half 
a  dozen  of  Guy's  fellows  that  I  can  muster  in  no  time.  One  of  them 
sings  all  the  comic  songs  popular  at  Evans's,  and  another  can  mix 
punch,  and  balance  no  end  of  tobacco-pipes  on  his  nose.  You  play 
loo?  Of  course  you  do.  Well,  I  '11  bring  a  pack  of  cards  ;  and  we  '11 
have  in  innumerable  pots  of  shandygaff ;  and  you  shall  lock  the  door, 
and  stick  a  notice  outside,  "  Back  in  half  an  hour  "  —  meaning  half 
an  hour  after  no  particular  time  ;  and  we  '11  close  the  shutter  and 
light  the  gas,  and  make  a  serious  day  of  it,  my  boy  !  (Slaps  him 
on  shoulder.) 

Bag.  Why,  you  see,  Tom,  though  I  am  rather  partial  to  shandy 
gaff,  and  think  you  fellows  of  Guy's  devilish  pleasant  company  over 
a  bowl  of  punch,  I  have  a  plan  of  my  own  that  will  interfere  with 
yours. 

Tip.   0,  in  that  case  propound  it.     I  am  open  to  conviction. 

Bag.  Hei*e  it  is.  (Takes printed  placards  out  of  table-drawer t 
and  exhibits  one.)  What  do  you  think  of  it? 

Tip.  Eh?  (Reads)  "  Wanted,  one  thousand  spirited  young  mil 
liners" —  A  thousand  ! 

Bag.   Be  the  same  more  or  less. 

Tip.  (reading).  "  One  thousand  spirited  young  milliners,  for  tht 
gold  diggings.  Apply  personally  to  Mrs.  Vanderpants" —  Who 
the  devil  is  Mrs.  Vanderpants  ? 

Bag.   Never  mind.     Go  on. 

Tip.  (reading).  "Apply  personally  to  Mrs.  Vanderpants,  from 
ten  o'clock  in  the  morning  till  twelve  at  night,  at  210  Lincoln's  Inn 
Fields."  Why,  Joe,  that 's  here  ! 

Bag.   Undoubtedly. 

Tip.  Eh?  I  begin  to  have  some  idea  of  your  intentions.  You  're 
meditating  a  Circassian  soiree  — 

Bag.   Hush  1    You  've  hit  upon  it ;  —  a  fete  artistiquc. 

Tip.   No? 

Bag.   Jlrtistique,  chorcgraphique,  and  chiralresque  — 

Tip.   And  millineresque. 

Bag.   Millineresque  essentially. 

Tip.  Joe,  I  've  no  hesitation  in  asserting  that  your  idea  is  stupen 
dous  !  —  I  may  say  't  is  the  volcanic  and  cutaneous  eruption  of  a 
great  mind. 

Bag.  Well,  the  next  thing  to  do  is  to  get  out  a  few  bills.  You 
must  help  me,  Tom. 

Tip.  Why,  the  fact  is  I  have  a  good  many  out  already  ;  but  to 
accommodate  a  friend,  I  don't  mind  doing  a  few  more.  Where '« 


FOR   TIIK   GOLD  DIGGINGS.  6 

rour  pen  and  ink  ?     (Sits  L.  of  table.)     Hand  over  your  papers,  and 
1  '11  put  as  good  a  name  on  them  as  ever  spoiled  a  stamp. 

Bag.   Pshaw  !  I  only  want  you  to  stick  them. 

Tip.  No,  no  ;  'pon  my  life  I  can't  do  that.  I  '11  accept  them  with 
pleasure,  and  you  shall  stick  them;  —  sccundum  artcm  ;  —  that 'a 
the  regular  practice,  I  believe,  at  Guy's. 

Bay.  Will  you  understand  me  ?  I  merely  want  you  to  stick  a  few 
of  these  placards. 

Tip.  (rising).  Oh  !  I  beg  pardon  ;  I  was  thinking  of  another  kind 
of  bill-sticking  ;  —  three  months  after  date.  Hem  !  give  them  to  me. 
( Takes  placards. )  I  '11  borrow  an  old  hat  and  coat  from  the  porter, 
and  try  my  hand  at  external  paper-hanging.  But  I  say,  where  shall 
I  put  them  up? 

Bag.  Oh,  anywhere  in  the  neighborhood  ;  —  on  any  blank  wall  or 
pump  you  may  find. 

Tip.  Pump?  'Gad,  then  I  '11  just  step  into  Lincoln's  Inn  and  the 
College  of  Surgeons,  where  I  shall  find  plenty  of  old  pumps. 

[Exit  L.  2E. 

Bag.  I  rather  fancy  I  shall  render  myself  illustrious  in  all  future 
histories  of  England,  by  this  coup  d'etat.  There's  certainly  some 
thing  magnificent  in  the  notion  of  wanting  a  thousand  milliners  for 
the  gold  diggings ! 

Enter  SINGLETOX,  from  room,  R.  3  E.,  with  carpet-bay,  greatcoat, 
and  shawl. 

Singleton.  Eh,  Baggs  ;  what 's  that  you  're  saying  about  the  dig 
gings?  (Puts  carpet-bag,  <§•£.,  on  chair.) 

Bag.  Diggings,  sir?  Oh,  yes  ;  I  was  observing  to  myself,  in  your 
absence,  that  an  enterprising  young  man,  with  an  industrious  wife 
and  a  cradle,  might  do  wonders  at  the  gold  diggings. 

Sin.  All  humbug  !  There  are  no  diggings  like  the  diggings  at 
Westminster  Hall,  where,  if  you  hit  upon  a  good  case,  you  may  wash 
lots  of  gold  out  of  a  client  Come  here,  Joe.  I  am  obliged  to  go 
down  to  Oxford  this  morning. 

Bag.  (aside).   And  you  may  thank  me  for  the  journey. 

.Sin.    Old  Tottles  is  dying. 

Bag.  Dying,  sir?  Dear  me!  that's  sudden,  sir!  Execution  on 
the  body,  —  removal  by  habeas  corpus,  —  doctors  can't  put  in  bail, 
—  must  leave  the  world,  his  wife,  and  his  lawyer,  sir.  But  I  dare 
say,  sir,  it  will  be  a  happy  release  for  the  poor  man. 

Sin.  Yes,  yes,  he  's  been  ailing  for  some  time.  Ah  !  by  the  bye, 
I  've  a  letter  that  I  must  write  before  I  go.  Where  are  the  ink  and 
paper? 

Bag.  (arranging  papers  on  table).    Here  they  are,  sir.     (SINGLE 
TON  sits  R.  of  table.)     But  don't  you  think  you  may  be  late,  sir? 
When  a  man  is  dying,  you  know  — 
,    Sin.  (writing).    He  's  seldom  in  a  hurry,  Joe. 

Bag.  Ila,  ha,  ha  !  Why,  no  sir  ;  but —  (jJside)  Hang  him  for 
a  stubborn  old  mule.  I'm  afraid  Tom  will  be  back  before  he 's  done. 
(Goes  to  window  and  looks  out.) 

Si.i.  (writing,  and  aside).  I  have  full  ten  minutes  to  spare,  be 
fore  'twill  be  time  to  start.  Meanwhile  I  '11  mingle  a  little  pleasure 


6  WANTED,  ONE   THOUSAND   YOUNG   MILLINERS, 

with  business,  by  answering  the  note  I  have  just  received  from  that 
charming  creature  whom  I  met  in  Kensington  Gardens  ;  —  a  sweet, 
timid  little  innocent,  fresh  from  the  country.  Joe  !  sealing-wax  and 
a  light.  And  she  has  consented  to  dine  with  me  next  Sunday,  at 
Richmond.  I  really  believe  I  possess  an  extraordinary  power  of  fas 
cination  over  the  fair  sex.  (  Writes.) 

Bag.  Yes  sir.  (Lights  match  from  box  on  chimney-piece.') 
Phew'!  matches,  they  say,  are  made  in  heaven  ;  but  these,  by  their 
smell,  must  have  been  manufactured  in  a  very  different  place.  (Lights 
taper.) 

Sin.  (addressing  note).  ".Miss  Selina  Smith,  Post  Office,  Char 
ing  Cross.  To  be  called  for." 

Bag.  (placing  taper  on  table).  Here  you  are,  sir.  You  hold  the 
letter,  and  I  '11  drop  on  the  wax. 

Sin.   Thank  you. 

Enter  TIPTON  hastily,  L.  2  E.,  wearing  an  old  greatcoat  and  shabby 
white  hat,  and  carrying  a  large  brush. 

Tip.  Phew  !    All  right !    Ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

Sin.   Eh!     Who's  that? 

Bag.  (embarrassed).  That,  sir?  Oh,  that 's —  (Drops  melting 
wax  on  Six  GI&TON'S  fingers.) 

Sin.  Hallo !  —  the  wax  !  (Jumps  up  in  pain,  holding  his  finger 
in  his  mouth.)  You  've  burnt  me  to  the  bone  with  the  infernal  wax? 

Bag.  (aside  to  TIPTON).   What  are  you  about ?    The  governor  ! 

Tip.   Hold  hard!     (Hides  brush  behind  him.) 

Sin.   What 's  your  business,  fellow  ? 

Tip.  (in  a  simple  manner).  I  'm  a  hartist ! 

Sin.  (pompously).   Oh!  a  painter,  I  suppose? 

Tip.   Yes,  and  glazier  as  well.     (Shows  pot  and  brush.) 

Sin.   And  what  do  you  come  here  for? 

Tip.   I  'm  come  to  paint  you  !     (  Uses  the  action  of  painting.) 

Sin.   Paint  me  ? 

Tip.   Yes.     How  will  you  be  done  ;  in  plain  oak  or  mahogany  ? 

Sin.  You  've  made  a  mistake,  my  good  fellow.  You  're  not  wanted 
here. 

Tip.  Oh  !  perhaps  it 's  the  other  old  buffer,  on  the  floor  above, 
that  master  has  sent  me  to  do  up.  But,  I  say,  I  don't  think  a  brush 
would  do  you  much  harm  here.  (Looks  about.)  You  don't  look  re 
markably  fresh.  I  should  like  to  give  you  a  coat  or  two.  (SINGLE 
TON  turns  away.) 

JBag.  (R.)  Presumptuous  painter  !  we  want  none  of  your  coats, 
when  we  have  six  suits  in  Chancery  to  our  back,  that  we  hope  will 
last  us  all  our  lives,  and  descend  to  our  children  after  us. 

Tip.  (L.)  Oh  !  Well,  good  byD.  (Slips  behind  door,  L.  2  E.,  and 
conceals  himself.) 

Sin.  Joe,  my  coat.  Mind  you  don't  let  that  fellow  in  here  again. 
(  Takes  carpet-bag.)  Be  attentive  to  business,  Joe.  Go  on  with  the 
draft  of  Edwards's  mortgage  —  and  mind  }rou  turn  off  the  gas  at 
night  —  and  have  that  writ  served  upon  Jones  —  and  —  that 'sail. 
Goodbye.  [  Exit  L.  2  E. 


roil   TI1E   GOLD    DIGGINGS.  y 

Bag.  Good  bye,  sir !  Take  caro  of  yourself !  (Closes  door,  and 
discovers  TIPTON  standing  upright  against  the  wall.) 

Tip.  (capering.  Hooray  !  the  field  's  our  own.  I  've  put  them  all 
up  (imitates  action  of  sticking  a  bill), in  defiance  of  the  solemn  warn 
ing,  "  Bill-stickers  beware  !  "  You  should  see  them,  Joe.  They  'ro 
enormously  attra*  *ive !  The  milliners  can't  help  themselves.  We 
shall  catch  ihont » .live,  like  bluebottles  in  a  grocer's  window.  They  '11 
be  down  on  us  in  a  swarm,  directly.  But  where 's  Madame  Vander- 
pants?  You  km.w  you  have  announced  her,  and  she  must  be  forth 
coming. 

Bag.  I'm  prepared  for  that.  Madame  Vanderpants  is  an  old 
lady,  a  client  of  the  governor's,  who,  having  a  heavy  suit  on  hand, 
is  obliged  to  come  up  to  town  frequently  ;  and  to  save  trouble  she 
leaves  some  boxes  and  trunks  of  clothes  here,  where  she  has  them 
ready  when  she  requires  them.  Now,  I  've  selected  a  few  articles  of 
ipparel  from  her  store  ;  and  when  I  've  got  them  on  I  think  I  shall 
make  a  very  fair  sample  of  the  sex. 

Tip.  You  '11  be  a  prodigious  creature,  Joe  !  But  what  am  /  to 
do? 

Bag.  Why,  as  you  're  to  be  my  assistant,  I  've  looked  out  a  few 
'.hings  for  you.  (Brings  down  a  lawyer's  deed-box,  which  is  on  the 
floor  at  buck.)  Here  you  are,  in  "  Smith's  Executors."  On  with 
iicse  directly,  or  we  shan't  be  ready  to  receive  our  visitors.  (Gives 
"ox.)  Go  into  that  room,  there  ;  and  make  haste. 

Tip.   Well,  this  beats  Guy's,  by  several  chalks. 

[Exit,  with  box,  R.  SB. 

Bay.  Now  to  make  a  clearance  here.  (Moves  table  lack.)  So. 
( Takes  a  note  from  table.)  What 's  this  ?  A  note,  addressed  to  the 
governor,  and  in  a  female  hand  that  I  'm  not  acquainted  with.  Hem ! 
I  must  see  what  he  's  been  about.  (Reals)  Urn,  urn  —  "  been  think 
ing  of  you  since  the  evening  we  met  in  Kensington  Gardens1'  — 
urn,  um  —  "  tender  emotions"  —  um,  um  —  "love — Cupid  —  inno 
cence"  —  um,  um  —  "flattering  sex  "  —  um,  um  —  "happy  to  ac 
cept  invitation  to  dine  at  Richmond."  Ha!  —  um,  um  —  *'  Ever 
thine,  Selina  Smith."  Whew!  here 's  a  discovery  !  Governor  going 
to  give  a  dinner  at  Richmond  to  a  mysterious  female.  Soh !  I  must 
look  after  the  old  gentleman's  morals.  (Puts  letter  in  pocket.) 

He-enter  TIPTON,  n.  3.  E.  ,  dressed  in  female  attire. 

Tip.  Here,  Joe,  will  you  give  this  gown  a  pull,  and  hook  it  lor 
me? 

Bag.  (assisting  him).    Yes,  yes  ;  make  haste. 

Tip.  Oh,  ho  !  —  there  !  —  you  tickle  me  !  —  quick  !  There !  — 
oh!  —  don't!  —  there!  I'm  as  easily  tickled  as  a  kitten.  Quick' 
^  Twisting)  Oh  ! 

Bag.   Be  quiet,  will  you  ? 

Tip.  What  shameful  stitching  there  is  iu  the  gown  !  You  hear 
how  it  cracks —  krr-rr-rr  ! 

Bag.    It's  my  turn  to  dress,  now.  [Exit,  running,  L.  3  E. 

Tip.  I  wonder  if  I  look  interesting,  in  my  new  costume.  (Goet 
to  glass.)  Oh,  curse  it!  —  ha,  ha,  ha!  —  I  forgot  my  moustache. 
That  will  never  do.  A  moustache  on  a  lady's  lip  is  an  anomaly  on 


8  WANTED,  ONE  THOUSAND   YOUNG   MILLINERS, 

the  face  of  it.  I  see  I  must  sacrifice  my  capillary  attraction,  and 
have  it  off ;  and  luckily  here  's  Joe's  razor.  (  Takes  razor  off  chim 
ney-piece,  and  is  strapping  it  on  his  hand,  when  a  knock  is  heard  at 
D.  L.  2  E.)  Hallo  !  here's  an  applicant  already.  (Puts  razor  on 
chimney-piece.)  I  must  defer  the  operation,  and  conceal  my  anom 
aly.  Come  in ! 

Enter  ANGELICA,  L.  2  E. 

Angelica.   I  believe  Madame  Vanderpants  lives  here? 

Tip.  (keeping  handkerchief  to  his  mouth).  Quite  correct,  ma'am. 
(Aside)  A  devilish  old  bird.  Pray  walk  in.  Madame  Vanderpants 
•will  be  here  presently.  Hem  !  I  'm  her  particular  friend  —  in  fact, 
her  medical  assistant —  a  —  when  I  say  medical,  you  of  course  under 
stand  I  allude  to  millinery  affairs.  You 've  come,  I  suppose,  as  — 
a  —  a  — 

Jin.  A  deputation,  mem,  from  the  young  ladies  of  Mrs.  Knappit, 
the  milliner's  establishment.  There  are  seven  of  us,  mem,  all  anx 
ious  for  exportation  ;  and  as  I  was  the  youngest  apprentice  — 

Tip.  The  youngest  apprentice!  (Aside)  There's  not  much  pre 
cocious  talent  amongst  them. 

An.  They  said  to  me,  "  Angelica  "  —  (simpering)  —  my  name  's 
Angelica  Tod.  I  'm  a  single  young  woman,  mem. 

Tip.  Single!  —  ahem!  —  I  perceive.  (Aside)  A  Iamb  of  many 
summers.  Well,  ma'am  —  I  mean,  my  dear  —  my  name  is  — 
(Aside)  What  the  deuce  is  my  name?  Ah!  —  oh! — yes!  — 
Smithers  —  Miss  Smithers,  my  love.  (ANGELICA  curtseys.) 

An.  Well,  mem,  the  young  ladies  said  to  me,  "  Angelica,  dear,  as 
your  manner  and  your  bonnet  are  so  superior,  will  you  have  tho 
kindness  to  go  and  inquire  about  this  Madame  Vanderpants,  who 
wants  a  thousand  milliners  for  the  diggings." 

Tip.   Very  proper  and  prudent. 

An.  May  I  ask,  then,  what  are  the  prospects  for  young  women  in 
our  line,  in  Australia  ? 

Tip.  Why,  my  dear,  there 's  in  the  first  place  a  prospect  of  seven 
thousand  disconsolate  diggers  waiting  with  open  arms,  upon  the 
beach,  to  receive  the  same  number  of  affectionate  wives. 

An.  Well,  I  don't  think  that  would  be  a  very  serious  objection  to 
any  of  us. 

Tip.  Then  what  with  drinking  rum  and  hunting  kangaroos,  tho 
men  die  so  fast  there  that  an  active  young  woman,  if  she  have  any 
luck,  may  calculate  upon  six  husbands  per  annum,  at  least. 

An.  Oh,  I  'm  sure  the  place  will  suit  us.  Tho  young  ladies  are 
waiting  for  me,  close  by.  I  '11  fetch  them  directly.  (Going.  —  Re 
turns.)  Oh,  I  had  forgot.  —  As  wo  are  unprotected  females,  wo 
should  like  a  reference,  Miss  Smithers. 

Tip.  Oh,  certainly.  We  refer  you  to  a  —  a  —  let  me  see  —  to 
the  Royal  College  of  Surgeons,  or  to  the  British  Museum. 

An.  Thank  you,  mem.  That 's  quite  suflicicnt.  (Curtseys.)  I'll 
now  go  and  fetch  the  ladies. 

Tip.  Do  so,  dear.  We  '11  be  too  happy  to  see  .you  all.  And  you 
may  as  well  tell  them  to  come  prepared  to  remain  for  the  day,  aa 


FOR  THE   GOLD   DIGGINGS.  » 

Madame  Vanderpants  likes  to  commence  her  colonial  training  as  soon 
as  possible. 

An.   I  '11  tell  them,  mem.  [Exit  I*  2  E. 

Tip.  Now  to  get  off  the  moustache  before  they  arrive.  (Hunt  to 
glass,  takes  razor,  and  commences  shaving.) 

Enter  BAGGS,  L.  3  E. 

Bag.  (L.)    Well,  Tom,  will  I  do  ? 

Tip.  (R.)   You  should  n't  interrupt  a  lady  when  she  *s  shaving. 

Bag.   I  beg  your  pardon.     Have  we  had  any  applications  yet  ? 

Tip.  (shaving).   Yes,  one  nibble. 

Bay.   Hah  —  is  she  good  looking  ? 

Tip.   That  's  a  matter  of  taste. 

Bag.    Young? 

Tip.   Well  —  a  —  urn  —  I  should  say  —  hah  —  tough  as  the  devil  ! 

Bag.   The  milliner? 

Tip.  No,  no  ;  the  moustache.  There,  it  's  off.  There  goes  the 
glory  of  Guy's.  The  sacrifice  is  accomplished.  (Puts  down  razor, 
and  turns  round.)  Hallo,  Joe  !  what  have  you  been  about  ?  You  're 
not  half  dressed.  Make  haste.  There  will  be  a  flock  of  young  milli 
ners  here  directly.  Hark  !  I  hear  them  on  the  stairs.  Go  ;  and  I  '11 
entertain  them  till  you  conie.  (Pushes  him  L.) 

Bag.   Well,  mind,  Tom,  fair  play  ;  —  honor  bright,  my  boy. 

[Exit  L.  3  E. 


ANGELICA,  SELINA,  SOPHY,  CAROLINE,  BELLA,  CHARLOTTE,  and 
JEMIMA,  L.  2  E.,  each  carrying  a  work-basket. 

Jin.  Miss  Smithers,  these  are  the  young  ladies.  Young  ladies, 
ttiss  Smithers.  (Ladies  curtsey,  and  TiriON  curtseys  awkwardly  in 
ttturn.) 

'jTip.  (aside).  Confound  it  !  I  know  I  haven't  got  the  back  slide 
correctly.  He  !  hem  !  very  happy  to  see  you,  young  ladies  ;  —  I  may 
Bay  delighted.  Madame  Vanderpants  will  be  here  presently.  She  's 
unly  blowing  a  cloud  in  her  room. 

Sophy.   Blowing  a  cloud  ? 

All.   Blowing  a  cloud  ! 

Tip.  Aht>m  !  —  a  —  when  I  say  blowing,  I  mean,  of  course,  sew 
ing  a  cloud,  my  loves.  It  's  the  newest  evening  costume,  —  the  robe 
de  vapeur,  as  the  Trench  call  it  ;  —  quite  an  ctherial  affair,  I  assure 
you. 

All.    Oh!  indeed! 

Selina.  (x  c.)  Excuse  me,  miss,  but  we  should  like  to  know  when 
we  dine. 

Tip.  When  we  dine  !  Well,  that  depends  on  circumstances  en 
tirely.  'T  is  a  question  that  sometimes  requires  serious  considera 
tion. 

Scl.  For  my  part,  I  like  my  regular  dinner,  though  I  've  no  ap 
petite  worth  naming.  (Aside  to  others)  Mind,  ladies,  we  shan't 
etand  being  put  off  with  an  early  tea  for  dinner. 

All  (L.)   No,  certainly  not.     No  !  no  ! 

Tip.  (R.,  aside).  They've  formed  themselves  into  a  provisional 
committee  upon  the  dinner  question.  I  'in  afraid  that  's  a  contingency 


10  WANTED,  ONE  THOUSAND    YOUNG   MILLINERS. 

that  Joe  has  not  contemplated  ;  for,  as  the  sensible  poet  has  observed, 
"  Lips,  though  blooming,  must  still  be  fed  ;"  and  I  doubt  if  they  'd 
be  satisfied  -with  a  cold  collation  of  Cases  in  Equity,  or  a  lunch  upon 
Remainders.  Shakspeare  must  have  been  in  a  difficulty  of  this  sort, 
\vhcn  he  said,  "  Oh  !  that  we  should  call  these  delicate  creatures  ours, 
and  not  their  appetites  !  " 

Bag.  (without,  L.)    I  say,  Tom  !     (Ladies  start  ) 

Sd.    Tom! 

Tip.  Oh  !  that 's  Madame  Vanderpants.  She  sometimes  jocosely 
calls  me  Tom.  My  name  is  Thomasine.  He,  he,  he  ! 

SeL  Madame  Vanderpants !  Attention,  ladies  ;  form  line  ;  eyes 
down  ;  hands  crossed  ;  prepare  to  curtsey  !  ( They  arrange  them 
selves  in  line.) 

Enter  BAGGS,  L.  3  E. 

Tip.  (aside  to  him).    Call  me  Miss  Smithers. 

Bag.  (marching  down  c.,  without  noticing  ladies,  who  continue 
curtseying  from  the  moment  he  enters.)  Miss  Smithers. 

Tip.  (n.)   Yes,  mem. 

Bag.  (c.)  You  went  abroad  yesterday  evening  without  my  per 
mission.  'Tis  very  improper  ;  and  if  it  occurs  again,  we  must  part. 
(Jlsidc  to  TIPTON)  How  do  I  look,  Tom? 

Tip.   Plummy. 

Caroline  (aside).  There  's  a  horrible  old  giraffe !  I  know  I  shall 
hate  her. 

SeL  (aside  to  ladies,  munching  an  apple).  So  shall  I,  if  she  don't 
let  us  have  dinner  very  soon. 

Bag.  (feigning  to  see  them).    Bless  me,  ladies ! 

SeL  (L.  c.)  Yes,  mem,  we're  the  spirited  young  women  that's 
wanted. 

Bag.  Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon,  my  dears  !  How  many  are  there  of 
you? 

Car.   Six,  if  you  please,  mem. 

Jlng.  (L.)    And  the  apprentice,  mem.     (Curtseys.) 

Bag.  (aside  to  TIPTON).  That 's  exactly  half  a  dozen  for  me,  and 
the  apprentice  for  you,  Tom. 

Tip.  (aside  to  BAGGS).  Blow  the  apprentice !  Excuse  the  em 
phatic  observation  ;  but  I  cannot  avoid  expressing  my  feelings 
strongly. 

Bag.  (R.)  Hush!  it's  all  right.  (To  SOPHY)  What  may  your 
pretty  little  name  be,  my  dear  ? 

Sophy.   Sophy  Stokes,  mem. 

Bay.  Pretty  dear  !  (Kisses  her,  and  looks  at  TIPTON.  To  CARO 
LINE)  And  how  are  you  called,  darling  ? 

Car.    Caroline  Jones,  mem. 

Bag.  Caroline!  Ah!  I  once  knew  a  Carol liie.  J  snail  love  you 
for  her  sake.  (Kisses  her,  and  as  before.) 

Tip.  By  the  bye,  I  remember,  I  ouc<?  knew  a  Caroline,  too. 
(Goes  to  embrace  her.) 

Bag.  (putting  him  back).  No,  Miss  Slithers,  it  wasn'*,  Caroline 
( To  SBLINA)  What 's  your  name,  dear? 

SeL  (L.  c.)   Selina  Smith,  mem. 


FOR   THE   GOLD  DIGGINGS.  11 

Sag.  (c.)  Selina  Smith.  (Aside)  That's  the  name  to  the  note  1 
found  after  the  governor.  (Takes  out  note,  and  examints  it  aside. 
Aloud)  Selina  Smith? 

Sel.   Yes,  mem. 

Bag.  Ah!  (Aside)  It  must  be  she.  I'm  thinking,  my  dear, 
where  I  heard  the  name  of  Selina  Smith.  Was  n't  it  at  —  no  —  yes 
—  at  Kensington  Gardens  ? 

Scl.  (embarrassed).  Kensington  Gardens  ?  (Aside)  What  can  sh< 
know  about  them  ? 

Bag.  Or  could  it  be  something  about  Richmond,  and  a  dinner  at 
the  Star  and  Garter,  that  was  running  in  my  head  ? 

Sel.  (more  confused).  I  —  I  —  really  can't  eay,  mem.  (Aside) 
Can  she  have  heard  of  my  invitation  ?  ( Goes  up  L.) 

Bag.  (aside).  Right.  I  have  my  thumb  on  the  governor.  "Well, 
young  ladies,  I  've  decided  upon  accepting  you  all,  including  the  ap 
prentice,  whom  I  place  under  the  especial  protection  of  Miss  Smith- 
crs.  (ANGELICA,  L.,  curtseys,  and  BAGGS  hands  her  over  to  TIPTOX, 
R.)  There  ;  I  know  you  '11  be  kind  to  the  young  creature. 

Tip.  (turning  up  R.,  followed  by  ANGELICA.)  I'll  be —  Never 
mind.  (She follows  him  about  at  back.) 

So.  We  're  quite  ready,  mem,  to  begin  work.  We  've  brought  our 
baskets  with  us,  and  only  want  to  show  you  what  we  can  do. 

Bag.  (aside  to  TIPTON).   Have  you  got  no  work  for  them,  Tom? 

Tip.  (R.,  aside  to  BYGGS).  Work!  not  I.  Nothing  but  a  simple 
fracture  of  a  shirt-button,  or  a  dislocation  of  a  shirt-collar. 

Bag.   What  are  we  to  do,  then  ? 

Tip.   Can't  you  give  them  a  large  order  for  baby-linen? 

Bag.  Where's  the  material?  'Gad,  I  have  it,  —  the  window- 
blinds.  Hush !  (  To  ladies)  Well,  my  dears,  we  '11  commence,  when 
you  've  taken  off  your  bonnets,  shawls  — 

Tip.   And  other  personal  incumbrances. 

Bag.  In  that  closet  (points  to  closet,  L.  3  E.)  you  can  put  them 
away.  (Ladies  go  into  closet.)  Now,  Tom,  do  as  I  do.  (Pulls 
down  curtain  at  one  window.  —  TIPTON  the  same  at  the  other.)  We 
must  make  work  for  them  somehow.  (They  tear  curtains  into  eight 
strips. )  There  —  there  —  there  —  there.  There 's  a  fair  division  of 
labor  for  them,  at  all  events. 

Ladies  re-enter, from  closet,  without  their  bonnets. 

An.   Here  we  are,  mem. 

J9c/£   (aside).   By  Jove!  a  lovely  brigade. 

Tip.  And  here 's  your  work,  ladies.  ( Gives  each  a  piece  of  tht 
cotton. )  Here 's  for  you  —  and  you  —  and  you,  &c. 

An.  (L.,  curtseying  and  smirking).   And  the  apprentice,  mem. 

Tip.  Oh  !  the  apprentice?  (Gru/ly)  There!  (Gives  her  one  of 
the  pieces. ) 

Bag.  Miss  Smithers,  a  chair.  (TiPTON  gets  two  chairs,  and  places 
them  c.  —  Ladies  get  chairs,  and  form  in  a  line  on  each  side  of 
BAGGS  and  TIPTOX,  thus  — 

K.  JEM.   BEL.    Sornr.    BAOOS.    Tinox.    SEL.    CHAR.    CAR.    A*.  i. 

Tip.   Now,  ladies,  commence  your  industral  operations. 


WANTED,  ONE   THOUSAND   YOUNG   MILLINERS, 

Sel.   What  are  we  to  do,  mem?    The  work  is  not  cut  out 

Bag.  (R.  c.)   Eh?     Hem  ! 

Tip.  (L.  c.)  Why,  no.  The  fact  is,  our  cutter  broke  her  arm, 
last  week,  pouring  out  some  remarkably  strong  tea  for  the  ladies. 

Ladies.    Oh  !  oh  !    Poor  soul !     What  a  pity ! 

Bag.  But  we  're  not  particular,  my  dears.  Back-stitch  those 
pieces  up  one  side  and  down  the  other,  and  put  a  herring-bone  hem 
along  the  back  seam  —  and  —  and  —  that  will  do. 

Tip.   And  if  you  find  the  work  refractory  you  had  better  whip  it. 

Bag.  (aside  to  TIPTON).  I  feel  I  'm  getting  rather  spoony  about 
Sophy.  What  an  eye  she  has  ! 

Tip.  (aside  to  BAGGS).   Ah !  but  Selina  has  two  eyes,  you  dog. 

So.   Don't  you  work,  Miss  Smithers  ? 

Tip.  I  rather  think  I  do,  —  chiefly  fancy  work.  Some  of  it  would 
astonish  you.  I  was  reckoned  one  of  the  fastest  hands,  at  Guy's. 

Bag.  (aside  to  TIPTON).  Guy's!  What  are  you  about  ?  (Kicks 
him  slily.) 

Tip.  Oh  !  d — n  it !  (Hops  about  as  in  pain.  —  Ladies  rise  in 
alarm.)  Oh  !  oh  ! 

Ladies.   What 's  the  matter,  Miss  Smithers? 

Tip.  (rubbing  his  leg).  Oh  !  oh  !  nothing  ;  —  only  a  cramp  that 
sometimes  seizes  me.  A  a-ah  !  (Jlside  to  BAGGS)  Hang  it,  Joe ! 
you  need  not  have  given  me  such  a  severe  hint.  (Ladies  sit.) 

An.  (aside  to  ladies).  La  !  don't  Miss  Smithers  swear  uncommon 
strong? 

Ladies.   Don't  she? 

Tip.  Can  any  young  lady  lend  me  a  needle?  (All  offer  needles. 
—  He  takes  two.)  Thank  you,  my  little  dears.  (  To  BAGGS)  Here 's 
one  for  you. 

Bag.  Bless  me  !  where  have  I  put  my  glasses?  ( Takes  spectacles 
from  pocket,  and  puts  them  on.  —  He  and  TIPTON  then  take  thread, 
and,  coming  down,  make  ludicrous  attempts  to  thread  their  needles. 
Half  aside)  Dash  it ! 

Tip.  (half  aside).   Hang  it ! 

Bag.   Can't  you  do  it,  Tom? 

Tip.   No! 

Bag.   Neither  can  I. 

Tip.   Hold  !  ah,  ha  !  I  »ve  done  it. 

Bag.  You  don't  mean  that  !  Let  me  see.  ( Takes  threaded 
needle  from  TIPTON.)  Thank  you.  There,  you  can  have  mine. 
(Sticks  his  needle  in  TIPTON'S  shoulder.) 

Tip.  (jumping  away.)   Hoh !  Come,  I  say.     (Takes  stage  L.) 

Bag.  Miss  Smithers,  have  you  any  idea  what  I  've  done  with  my 
Ladies'  Companion?  (.Rises.)  Could  I  have  put  it  in  your  work- 
basket,  Miss  Smith?  (Opens  SELINA'S  work-basket,  and  produces  a 
looker.)  Oh,  a  most  remarkable  Ladies'  Companion  as  ever  I  saw  ! 

Sel.  (rising).  It 's  only  a  lobster,  rnem,  —  a  present  from  a  friend, 
who  knows  my  delicate  appetite. 

Bag.  All  surreptitious  lobsters  are  confiscated  in  this  establish* 
ment.  (Gives  it  to  TIPTON.) 

Sel.    I  protest  against  such  an  invasion  up;n  private  property. 

Ladies  (ruing).   We  all  protest ! 


FOR   TIIK   GOLD   DIOGINQS.  18 

Bag.  Private  rights  must  always  yield  to  the  public  weal. 

Ladies.    Shame  !     Robbery !     Shame  !     Oh ! 

Bag.  But  to  show  my  disinterested  feelings,  we  '11  have  the  lobster 
at  supper. 

Sel.  Oh,  if  there's  to  be  supper,  I'm  satisfied!  (Ladies  sit.) 
But  pray,  mem,  when  shall  we  have  dinner? 

Bag.  Well,  I  've  not  determined  yet.  (Sits  beside  SOPHY.)  Dear 
me  !  if  I  have  n't  lost  my  thimble  ! 

So.   I  've  one  here,  if  it  will  suit  you,  mem. 

Sag.   Thank  you,  my  love.     (Puts  it  on  thumb.) 

So.  Good  gracious,  mem  !  you  have  put  your  thimble  on  your 
thumb. 

Bag.  Ah  !  so  I  have.     It  pushes  better  that  way.     (Ladies  laugh.) 

Tip.  (looking  over  SELIXA'S  shoulder).  Well,  and  how  are  you 
getting  on,  my  dear  ?  Ah,  very  well,  —  very  well,  indeed.  (Pinches 
her.  —  She  screams.) 

Bag.    What's  that? 

Tip.  Only  a  spider  that  I  found  on  Miss  Stokes's  dress.  (Pre 
tending  to  crush  it  with  foot.)  There,  the  presumptuous  animal  is 
defunct 

Bag.  This  house  is  full  of  spiders.  Is  not  that  another  I  see  there  ? 
(Pretends  to  see  one  on  SOPHY'S  shoulder.) 

Jin.  (screaming  in  alarm).  Oh!  where,  where?  (Rushes  into 
TIPTON'S  arms.)  Where? 

Tip.  (seeing  who  it  is).  Eh  !  Not  here.  (Pushes  her  away.) 
No,  no. 

Car.  (taking  her  work  to  BAGGS).  Does  that  work  please  you, 
mem? 

Bag.  (examining  it).  Beautiful !  Come  here,  my  dear.  Merit 
shall  not  go  unrewarded.  (Kisses  her.) 

Car.  (R.  c.,  rubbing  her  cheek).  Bless  me!  Madame  Vanderpants 
has  a  chin  like  a  nutmeg-grater. 

Tip.  I  must  also  reward  meritorious  industry.  (Turns  to  em 
brace  SELINA. —  ANGELICA  interposest  and  hejinds  her  in  his  arms. 
—  Aside)  Oh,  confound  the  apprentice!  (Pushes  her  away.  —  A 
knock  ix  L.  2  E.  —  BAGGS  and  TIPTON  come  forward.) 

Bag.  (aside).  WTho  the  devil  can  it  be?  (x  to  door.)  Who's 
there? 

(  Without).   Mrs.  Knappit,  the  milliner. 

Bag.   Mrs.  Knappit? 

Scl.  (to  Ladies,  in  a  suppressed  tone).  Mrs.  Knappit !  Our  mis 
tress  ! 

Ladies  (alarmed).   0-o-h  ! 

{Without).  I  understand  that  some  of  my  young  ladies  are 
here? 

Ladies  (in  a  suppressed  tone).   0-o-h  ! 

Tip.  Young  ladies  here,  ma'am?  What  an  idea  !  We  're  moral 
young  men,  —  a  couple  of  betting- list-keepers,  who  have  retired  in 
disgust  from  the  honesty  of  the  world.  (  While  he  speaks,  BAGGS 
conducts  Ladies  to  D.  R.  3  E.,  pushes  them  in,  and  shuts  it.)  And 
we've  registered  a  vow,  ina'aui,  not  to  let  any  female  enter  our  mel 
ancholy  abode ! 


14  WANTED,  ONE   THOUSAND   YOUNG   MILLINERS, 

(  Without).  Oh  dear  !  I  beg  your  pardon,  gentlemen  —  very  sorry 
—  but  good  morning  —  good  morning. 

Tip.  Adieu,  ma'am  —  farewell  —  mind  the  two  steps,  ma'am. 
(  Turns,  with  a  pirouette.)  Tol  de  rol  —  she  's  off  ! 

Bag.  (meeting  him  dancing).  Tom,  I've  an  idea.  During  the 
temporary  absence  of  the  ladies,  may  we  not  have  a  pipe? 

Tip.  The  very  thing  I  was  about  to  propose.  I  've  got  my  fumi- 
gator  here.  (  Takes  pipe  from  apron  pocket.  —  Both  sit  C.) 

Bag.   And  I  mine.     (Takes  out  pipe.) 

Tip.  (lighting  German  tinder  against  sole  of  shoe).  Have  a  light. 
Joe? 

Bag.  (the  same).   Thank  you,  I  have  got  it.     (Light  pipes.) 

Tip.  Joe  —  (puff  )  —  I  say,  the  smell  of  the  tobacco  may  discover 
us—  (puff)—  eh? 

Bag.   Nonsense  !  —  (puff)  —  tobacco  has  no  smell.     (Puff.) 

Tip.  (puff).   I  'm  glad  of  that.     (Puff.)  00 

Enter  SELINA,  cautiously,  E.  3.  E. 

Scl.  Mrs.  Vanderpants  !  (Both  jump  up  suddenly.  —  TIPTON  x  to 
E.,  and  throws  away  pipe.  —  BAGGS  puts  his  in  pocket.  —  Both  blow 
to  disperse  smoke.  —  She  comes  down  n.)  Is  she  gone? 

Tip.   Yes,  we  persuaded  her  to  go. 

Sel.  I  never  was  so  frightened  in  my  life!  (Sniffs)  Eh!  Bless 
me  !  there  's  been  some  one  smoking  here  ! 


Sel.   Don't  you  smell  it? 

Both.   No. 

Tip.  Yet  now  I  fancy  I  perceive  a  delicate  perfume  of  roses. 
(Aside  to  BAGGS)  Joe,  you  're  on  fire  ! 

Bag.  (aside,  jumping).  The  devil  I  am  !  Oh,  'tis  the  rascally 
pipe  !  (Snatches  pipe  hastily  out  of  pocket,  and  throws  it  away.  — 
While  this  takes  place,  Ladies  enter  D.  K.  3  E.,  and  take  places  on 
B.,  each  holding  something  behind  her.  —  TIPTON  and  BAGGS  on  L.) 

So.  Mrs.  Vanderpants,  we  've  discovered  a  something  in  that  room 
that  has  alarmed  our  delicacy,  mem. 

Bay.   Your  delicacy,  child  ? 

So.  Yes,  mem.  Do  ladies  usually  wear  Wellington  boots  ?  (So- 
PIIY  and  BELLA  each  produce  a  boot.) 

Car.  Or  is  it  the  fashion  for  our  sex  to  amuse  themselves  with  box 
ing-gloves  —  so?  (She  and  JEMIMA  produce  two  pairs  of  boxing- 
gloves  on  their  hands,  and  take  a  pugilistic  altitude.) 

Char.  Or  play  upon  the  post-horn?  (Produces  horn,  and  blows 
a  discordant  note.  —  SELINA  goes  to  chimney-piece,  and  returns  with 
razor.) 

Jin.    Or  to  wear  such  a  hat  as  this?     (Puts  wide-awake  on  head.) 

Scl.  And  I  should  like  to  know  what  business  a  correct  female  can 
have  with  a  razor.  (Exhibits  razor.) 

Ladies.   0-o-h  !  —  ah  ! 

Bag.    Miss  Srnithers,  explain. 

Tip.   Me  explain! 

Bay.  (aside  to  him).   Hush  !  —  it  's  all  right.     Say  something. 


rOR  TOE   GOLD  I>IGCING9.  15 

Tip.  (L.,  affecting  modesty}.  Well,  mem,  I'll  tell  the  truth. — 
There  is  a  young  man  comes  here  sometimes  —  to  —  to  —  tea. 

Bag.  A  man  ?  Oh  !  support  me,  ladies  !  (  Totters ,  and  is  sup 
ported  by  Ladies.) 

Tip.  Oh,  mem  !  but  it 's  all  correct,  I  '11  assure  you  !  We  've  put 
up  the  banns  ;  and  he  's  quite  a  respectable  young  gent  —  a  medical 
student,  mem. 

Bug.   A  medical  student  ?    Unhappy  young  woman  ! 

Tip.   A  student  of  Guy's,  mem. 

Bag.  A  student  of  Guy's.  Worse  and  worse  !  'T  is  really  shock 
ing  !  I  —  oh,  oh  !  {Pretends  to  faint.  —  Ladies  surround  him.) 

So.   She  's  fainted  ! 

Scl.  and  Ladies.   Cold  water  !     (ANGELICA  runs  into  room,  R.  3  E.) 

Set.   Poor  dear  !  the  shock  has  done  it. 

So.   Open  her  dress ! 

Car.  Cut  her  stays !  ( They  pull  off  his  cap  and  corsage,  the 
skirts  of  the  gown  only  remaining  ;  he  appears  as  a  man  down  to  the 
waist.) 

Re-enter  ANGELICA,  D.  R.  3  E.,  carrying  a  water-pitcher.       00 

An.  Here,  here 's  the  water.     (Dashes  it  in  his  face.) 

Bag.   Pooh!  —  wooh  !    Zounds!     (Jumps  up.)  Q$ 

Ladies  (screaming  and  retreating).    Gracious!  it's  a  man  ! 

Tip.   A  man?  —  a  monster.     (Slips  into  room  R.  3  E.) 

Sel.  Ladies,  if  you  have  the  spirit  of  ladies,  you  must  punish  the 
impostor. 

So.   Pinch  him  to  death  ! 

An.   Tickle  him  into  fits  ! 

Car.   Scratch  his  eyes  out ! 

Sel.  No,  no.  Let  all  do  as  I  do,  —  prepare  needles.  (  Ladies  take 
needles  out  of  work.)  Present  needles!  (They  present  needles  at  him.) 

Bag.   What  are  you  about,  ladies  ? 

Sel.   Charge  needles  !     (  They  prick  him  on  all  sides.) 

Bag.  Oh  !  the  devil  —  spare  me  !  Oh  !  I  say  —  for  heaven's  sake 
—  there,  have  done  —  do  —  ladies!  I'm  not  a  bag  of  bran!  Oh, 
oh,  oh  !  (Breaks from  them,  and  runs  into  closet  L.  3  E.) 

Sel.  Follow  him  !  Don't  let  him  escape.  (They  pursue  him  into 
closet;  his  remonstrances  heard  within.) 

Enter  TIPTON,  R.  3  E.,  in  man's  attire,  except  head-dress. 

Tip.  What  a  pack  of  little  demons.  (Ladies  cheer  in  closet.) 
There  they  go.  If  I  could  find  my  coat  I  'd  be  off.  (Looks  for  it.  — 
BAGGS  in  his  own  clothes,  is  hauled  in  by  Ladies,  bound  with  scarfs 
and  shawls.  —  TIPTON  conceals  himself  behind  arm-chair.) 

Bag.   I  demand  quarter. 

Ladies.  No  quarter  !  —  no  quarter.  (  They  push  him  into  chair, 
L,  c.,  and  proceed  to  tie  him  in.) 

Bag.   Charming  Selina  !  have  pity  on  me. 

Sel.  (seeing  TIPTON).  Oh  !  there 's  the  other  tiger  lying  in  ambush, 
to  spring  upon  his  victims. 

Tip.   Me  a  tiger  ?    I  deny  it '     I  'm  a  trembling  fawn  —  an  inno- 


16  WANTED,  ONE  THOUSAND    lOUNG   MILLINERS. 

cent  lamb  —  a —     (Moves  L.  —  Ladies  seize  and  tie  him  in  chair 
B.,  with  the  pieces  they  have  been  sewing.) 

Tip.   Help!     Murder! 

Set.   Stop  his  mouth  ! 

Tip.  (struggling.)   Would  you  stifle  the  voice  of  the  people? 

Enter  SINGLETON,  with  carpet-bag,  L.  2  E. 

Sin.  Ha,  ladies !  A  female  invasion  !  My  clerk,  Joe  Baggg,  and 
that  rascal  Tom  Tipton  !  What  brought  you  all  here  ? 

Jin.  (R.)  This,  sir.  (Shows  placard,  which  SINGLETON  reads. — 
Ladies  unbind  TIPTON  and  BAGGS.) 

Sel.  (aside).  I  '11  be  hanged  if  it  isn't  the  old  gentleman  that  I  was 
to  dine  with  at  Richmond,  next  Sunday  ! 

Sin.  (L.)  What's  this?  (Reads)  "Milliners  for  the.  gold  dig 
gings  "  —  um  —  < « apply  "  —  um  —  *  'to  Mrs.  Vanderpants. ' '  My 
respected  client.  Where  is  she  ? 

Bag.  (L.  c.,  timidly).   I  'm  that  penitent  individual,  sir. 

Tip.   And  I  'm  her  unhappy  friend,  Miss  Smithers,  sir. 

Sin.  Oh,  indeed  !  Now  I  understand  the  hoax.  This  is  why  you 
wished  me  to  go  to  Oxford.  Why,  the  first  man  I  met  on  the  plat 
form  at  the  station  was  old  Tottles,  alive  and  well.  Then  I  shall 
have  the  pleasure  of  confiding  Mrs.  Vanderpants  and  her  friend  to 
the  custody  of  the  police  —  directly.  ( Going. )  I  '11  make  an  exam 
ple  of  them. 

Bag.  A  word  with  you,  sir,  first.  (Draws  hin>.  io  c.,  and  shows 
him  note.)  You  know  that  note,  sir  — 

Sin.  (aside).   Selina  Smith's.     How  the  deuce  did  I  lose  it? 

Bag.  Never  mind,  governor  ;  —  don't  be  alarmed.  Let 's  cry 
quits,  and  I  '11  be  secret. 

Sin.  (as from  sudden  thought).   I  know  nothing  about  it ! 

Sel.  (down  L.)   Nothing  about  it  ?  —  Not  about  me,  sir  ? 

Sin.  (aside).  Eh  ?  The  deponent  herself.  Hem  !  ha  !  — •  there 's 
no  twisting  out  of  this.  Well  —  ha,  ha,  ha  !  —  hush-h  !  —  my  char 
acter  !  —  preserve  my  character,  and  all  shall  be  forgiven  !  There, 
I  don't  want  to  know  what  you  've  been  doing.  Don't  tell  me.  I  '11 
go  and  dine  at  a  tavern. 

Bag.  Dine  at  a  tavern  !  when  I  have  ordered  a  splendid  cold  col 
lation  and  a  dozen  of  champagne  ? 

Sel.  and  Ladies.   Bravo  !  bravo  ! 

Bag.   Which  my  worthy  governor  here  insists  he  shall  pay  for. 

Ladies.   Oh!    Bravo  !  bravo  !  bravo  !     (Clap  hands.)     Encore! 

Tip.  You  're  an  honor  to  the  country  that  gave  you  birth,  and  to 
the  boots  in  which  you  stanJ.  We  've  taken  some  slight  liberties 
with  you,  sir  ;  but  if  you  '11  forgive  us  we'll  drink  your  health  and 
your  own  champagne,  with  enthusiastic  applause. 

Sin.   Forgive  you  ?    Never !    I  '11  be  — 

Bag.  (aside  to  him).   Hem  !     Selina  Smith  ! 

Sin.  Ah  !  —  hern  !  —  Selina  !  Yes,  yes,  I  forgive  you  —  (aside) 
and  be  hanged  to  you  ! 

Tip.  We  're  much  obliged.  ( To  Ladies)  Ladies,  may  we  —  Ah1 
bless  their  dear  little  hearts !  they  have  smiled  our  pardon  before  I 
asked  it.  And  now  to  make  our  last  appeal  to  a  liberal  and  enlight 


FOE  THE  GOLD  DIGGINGS.  17 

ened  public.  (  To  audience)  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  pray  don't  men 
tion  what  has  passed  here  to-night,  except  to  friends  who,  like  you, 
can  forgive  our  follies,  laugh  at  our  larks,  and  make  our  little  thea 
ter  a  real  Gold  Diggings  for  these  Spirited  Young  Milliners,  who  beg 
to  drop  you  a  grateful  curtsey,  before  we  drop  the  curtain.  (TiproN 
and  BAGGS  bow.  —  Ladies  advance  in  line,  and  curtsey  profoundly 
to  audience,  as  curtain  falls. 


SITUATIONS. 


».  m.  cumni*.  L.  B. 


\ 


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2         "         Exterior   a/; 
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